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As posted on Siri has some fresh thoughts on love just in time for Valentine’s Day

If you’re the kind of person who likes to talk love on Valentine’s Day, you can now stop annoying your Valentine’s Day-hating peers (we know they’re out there).

Apple has equipped Siri with some custom answers to Valentine’s Day queries, from booking a romantic restaurant or choosing an appropriately saccharine playlist. It can even give you some ideas for (intentionally cringeworthy) pick-up lines, like: “Is your name Bluetooth? because I’m feeling a connection” and “Like the ideal vacuum, you’re the only thing in my universe.” 

Things take a turn for the awkward and strange when you ask Siri for its thoughts on love. When we asked, “Who is your valentine?” — the response was a stern, “I don’t have a valentine, but I do have a rather beautiful ontology.” 

When we asked Siri whether it will be our valentine, it tried to dodge the question, answering “well this is awkward” and, “I’d love to, but I lack corporeal form.”

It’s been reported that Siri can give you insights on your own love life, but it was quick to answer with “I’m not going there” when we tried to ask that ourselves. When asked “will you go on a date with me?” it responded with “Aw, that’s sweet, but I, uh, already, um, have plans. Yeah. I have plans.” Yes, those really were Siri’s words. Maybe you’ll have better luck.

Microsoft’s Cortana appear to be a little bit more amenable to being our valentine, though it answers fewer questions than Siri. It searched the web when we asked what’s a good pick-up line, for example, but then responded with, “Well, no one’s asked me yet” to “Who is your valentine?” When we asked it the big question, which is of course whether it will be our valentine, it responded with “OK, but we’ll need a plan. I’ll work on being more human; you’ll work on being more digital.” 

Amazon Alexa falls more into the Siri camp. When we asked whether it would like to be our valentine, it told us it didn’t want to be tied down. 

So it seems Siri wins the ability to answer the most questions related to love and Valentine’s Day. However, it isn’t exactly the best voice assistant to make you feel better — that “having plans” response still stings….

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